I've heard the same sentence in coaching sessions, accelerator cohorts, interviews for this publication, and over dinner with friends whose lives just changed direction.
"I don't know what to do next."
I've said it, too. When I outgrew a 12-year career as a professional dancer and choreographer. When I left a VP role in workforce development to build The Purpose Post. When my marriage ended and I relocated more than once, looking for solid ground. Each time, that sentence felt like the most honest thing to say.
But it wasn't.
After supporting thousands of professionals through career pivots, I've noticed that "I don't know" is rarely a statement of fact. It's usually a cover story. Underneath it, there's almost always a more specific story, one we've repeated so often it’s begun to sound like the truth.
Every major transition is an identity shift disguised as a logistics problem. We think we need a plan, résumé, or business license when what we usually need first is to notice the story we're telling ourselves about who we are now.
These are the five stories I’ve heard most, and what the research says is actually true.
1. The Rebuilder: "I have to start from zero."
Something ended, and it feels like everything you once knew went with it. So the Rebuilder decides the only way forward is a clean slate. New field and new identity with nothing carried over.
I understand this one. When I left dance, I thought I was walking away from everything I knew…correction, from everything I was. Then I moved into workforce development and grew from career coach to VP in under six years. The skills that got me there were the ones I learned in rehearsal: reading a room, taking feedback, performing under pressure, and building something with a team on a deadline.
Organizational behavior professor Herminia Ibarra studies professionals who change careers. In the Harvard Business Review article that became her book Working Identity, she argues that people reinvent themselves by experimenting with who they could be, not by tearing everything down. Her approach has people "doing instead of infinitely planning," testing new directions in small ways while the old skills come along.
So, here’s the truth: You're not starting over. You're starting fresh with all your experiences.
2. The Seasoned Starter: "I missed my window."
The Seasoned Starter can see what they want, but they can also see the calendar. Somewhere along the way, they decided the window closed and the people doing what they want to do started years ago.
But the data says otherwise. Economists Pierre Azoulay, Benjamin Jones, J. Daniel Kim and Javier Miranda studied founders of U.S. companies. Among the fastest-growing new businesses, the average founder was 45 years old. A 50-year-old founder was roughly twice as likely as a 30-year-old to build one of those top-growth companies.
Filmmaker Daniel Fitch knows this story well. After being fired from his mortgage job at 36, he enrolled at Georgia State as a non-traditional student, joined a film crew, and went on to build Natural Leaders Media, an international video production agency. Daniel calls himself “an overlooked, late blooming, overachiever,” and maybe you’ve felt like that, too.
So, here’s the truth: Your experience is an asset. The years you're counting against yourself give you judgment, relationships, and range.
3. The Understudy: "Who am I to want this?"
In theater, an understudy learns every step of a role, then waits in the wings for someone to call their name. The Understudy in transition knows the part. They've watched other people take the stage, and some part of them is still waiting for permission to go on.
If that's you, you have plenty of company. A 2020 review looked at studies of impostor syndrome, the persistent feeling that you aren't as capable as others believe. They found that, depending on the group, rates were as high as 82%.
Then there’s poet and author Amena Brown. She was rejected by every MFA program she applied to after graduating from Spelman. But a speaking engagement put her poetry in front of a large audience, and within two years she was performing for thousands.
So, here’s the truth: Nobody is coming with permission, and that's the good news. You don't have to be chosen to go on.
4. The Anchor: "I can't risk it right now."
People count on the Anchor. Bills count on the Anchor. So the responsible choice seems to be staying in the same place until life feels steady enough for change, which is honestly a noble and understandable instinct.
But in a large experiment published by the National Bureau of Economic Research in 2016, people who were stuck on a decision flipped a coin to help them choose. For big decisions, like quitting a job or ending a relationship, those who made a change were substantially happier two and six months later. Economist Steven Levitt's conclusion was that people may be too cautious when facing life-changing choices. That doesn't mean you should flip a coin on your mortgage, but know that staying still has a cost, too.
Take Atlanta actor Cheryl Booker, for example. She spent decades supporting three children on day jobs, including 20 years as a billing specialist. She auditioned during the day and rehearsed at night, building a stage, film and TV career without ever walking away from steady work.
So, here’s the truth: Holding steady and moving forward don’t have to be in tension with one another. Instead of taking a big leap, you can take a small move that costs little and teaches you a lot.
5. The Secret Knower: "I know what I want, but I'm afraid to say it."
This is the story I hear most often. When people ask the Secret Knower what's next, they say "I don't know," but they do. It's been sitting with them for a while. Saying it out loud would make it real, and real feels like a lot.
There's a reason saying it helps. In a 2007 brain-imaging study published in Psychological Science, UCLA psychologist Matthew Lieberman and his colleagues found that putting feelings into words reduced activity in the amygdala, the brain's alarm center. "In the same way you hit the brake when you're driving when you see a yellow light," Lieberman said, "when you put feelings into words, you seem to be hitting the brakes on your emotional responses."
Naming the fear turns down the volume on it, and naming the want makes it more possible.
For Sacramento psychologist Dr. Shacunda Rodgers, she spent years doing her work behind the scenes, one client at a time. In 2018, after noticing she was often the only Black person in wellness spaces, she said it in the most practical way she could: she started a monthly meditation group for Black women. Three women came to the first meeting. Today it has grown into Holding Space, a nonprofit wellness sanctuary that offers free therapy to the Black community.
So, here’s the truth: You’re further along than you think. Your next step isn’t figuring it out. It’s making it real, out loud or in action.
Your Next Move
Looking back at my own transitions, each one felt like an overwhelming blank page at the time, but none of them was. My next move was always hiding in what I'd already done: the coach in the choreographer, the producer in the program leader…the storyteller in all of it.
"I don't know what's next" is where most of us start, but it doesn't have to be where we stay. Once you can see the story you've been telling yourself, you can choose to believe the one that's actually true and let it power your next move.
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Move in purpose, on purpose. The Purpose Post tells the stories of professionals who found their next move after a turning point in their career or life. If you're already in motion, or getting ready to be, you belong here. Join us. 👇🏾
